And some of us re-shape the hole.

In our search for assistance for Bravest on the day of surgery, today I called the Surgical Patient Relations Family Waiting Room. Why not? It was right there on the letter sent to me by the surgeon's coordinator as the place where he would be waiting for me.

Ooops. Letter's wrong! Because I'm having day surgery (and thus SAVING THE SYSTEM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS), instead of waiting in a bright, airy, well-furnished room with little side rooms where a patient spouse can even catch some zzs, Bravest will have to spend more than 10 hour in a claustrophobic pit in the basement.

Also, Ooops! We don't do that sort of thing here, let me connect you with Patient and Family Relations.

Ooops! We don't have anyone who can help you here, let me connect you with the Patient Coordinator.

Ooops! All we do here is make sure you're going to be safe when you go home, let me connect you with Patient and Family Relations.

At which point I lost it, to the extent that when the very nice fellow who had the misfortune to answer the phone as Patient Coordinator couldn't get any further than I did, he had a social worker call me back.

God bless my former profession. Most people think of social workers as less-exalted psychologists; but what we really are is problem-solvers who will also listen to you rant in order to get at ever-deeper levels of solvable problems. Which is why you find social workers leading the way in fields like cognitive therapy... but I digress.

THIS fine example of a fine group of people went and wrought mightily with the people at Patient and Family Relations, AND the people in the Brechthold Center (the fancy waiting-room for families of overnight patients) and called me back in a very few hours with the following:

1. Bravest can wait in the Brechthold Center, in comfort.
2. People there will make sure he's comfortable and will help him get around if/when he needs help.
3. My surgeon can find him there to tell him how I'm doing.

And:

All this is well within their mandate and should have been known to all the people who spoke to me -- only it's not in writing and we're "non-standard", so no one on the front lines knew how to respond.

I have expressed my sincere thanks, as well as my hope that something will be put in writing for the P&FR standard operating procedures manual. If there is such a thing. If not, I have offered to write it.

After all, you either change the square peg to fit the round hole, or re-shape the hole. And since there are sure to be other situations where a significant other has disabilities and needs special accommodations, and since such is the mandate of the ADA, among other things, AND since this is supposedly one of the Best Hospitals in Boston, they are going to change.

This cancer is going to have Meaning, or I'll know the reason why.

(I'd score this as a win, but we won't know if we've really won until August 9th.)