What is the Boobeaucracy?

There's an awful lot of people with breast cancer out there. And now that some sorts are fairly treatable, there's even a breast cancer business.

You don't believe me, look at all the stuff with pink ribbons on it.

Now, I am a blunt, tactless person, and I live by some fairly simple rules. One is, don't do stuff you don't want to do. This includes not buying stuff you don't want to buy, or wearing stuff you don't want to wear.

For example, I don't wear bright pink. Ever. And I don't plan on wearing any now. Nor do I expect people to form fundraising teams on my behalf, collect donations, buy stuff they would not otherwise buy, or send a single dime to Susan B. Komen. Which is a giant marketing organization that channels some of the money they make to breast cancer research.

Nor am I buying a "natural-looking" wig. For those who know me, I have possibly the most fabulous natural hair that ever a middle-aged lady had -- chestnut brown with layers of light gray and white, and white frontals like angels' wings. Getting a wig that looks anything like this would cost a fortune, and anything less would make me very sad indeed. So if I lose my hair, I'll be getting cheesy wigs in bright colors, like green. But never pink. Lady Gaga can have pink. Heck, I can collect hats for every day of the month.

The whole wig thing is part of the Boobeaucracy.

So is the medical thing whereby the radiologist can't tell you what she thinks of your lump -- no, you have to wait to hear from your Own Doctor. Fortunately, my PCP knows me, so rather than making me book an appointment and all that, she just called me at work, thereby avoiding an attempt to bill my insurer for an office visit. While I expect I'll get a bill for Medical Care, still, she was starving the Boobeaucracy. And even better, she sent me my own path report.

It's not that I think breast cancer research is bad, or fund-raising is bad, or even that bright pink is bad or people who wear wigs are bad. In fact, if I don't wear one it will mostly be out of vanity, not the most attractive of traits. I just object strenuously to being treated like a non-person, dealt with in a lump, branded with pink ribbon, a means to an end. Especially when the end is billing more.

So I think I will be calling the hematological oncologist who I've been seeing to try and discover the cause of my anemia, who now wants me to make an appointment ASAP,  and who found me incredibly boring because there's nothing wrong with my blood, and tell him I only need one medical onc and I'l be seeing one at the Dana Farber, thanks. Because if I'm only interesting to you when I have cancer, then you're part of the Boobeaucracy.